Four Eyed Girls Make Me Cry

video blog

2009-12-15T01:35:00.002-05:00

This is my first video blog.
It's about how I wasted my life one night.

Work

2009-07-25T12:11:00.002-04:00

Yesterday I was told that the DM decided that part-timers are hence forth only allowed to work 4hr shifts.

I was upset. I mean, you could not imagine how upset I was. All I do for that store? It felt like the biggest insult/slap in the face; it doesn't matter what you do or how good you do it, you're still just nobody to this company.

There were also a few other policies that had changed and I was bitching about the nonsense to another employee, when one of the managers walked by and looked at me funny. I blatantly told him that I was pissed about the new 4hr rule.

Then, after six hours of stressing out about what I was going to do to make money, the manager told me that I shouldn't worry because there is something good coming for me "we know who does work around here"

OMG!

Well at least that I don't have to worry about losing my hours. :-)

Life

2009-07-19T08:04:00.003-04:00

I haven't posted in a long time.

My life is that sort of busy where I'm not doing anything but it feels like I'm doing too much.
I work almost 40 hours every week. Which is almost illegal because I am a part-time employee. I don't care much though. The only disadvantage is the lack of benefits. And it's cute, because the way they keep me from having full time is giving me 15hrs once every 14-15 weeks.
I really don't care though, I need the money.

I decided to not take Spanish II this summer. I've gone to school all year round since 2006. It was time for a break. But I think (I hope) I'll still graduate in January.
What am I doing next? I am considering one of two options:

Masters in Education
MBA.

Points of discussion:

If I get a Masters in Education I will have job security as Math teachers are needed desperately.
But I kind of hate teaching people something more than once, and hate re-teaching them something they should already know.
If I get an MBA I can continue working for KMart, which I love, and I'll likely get a managerial position, as I will not have to learn very many store procedures.
KMart will likely pay/assist paying for school.
But, how much do I want to continue working retail, forever.
And how much do I want to work with business majors, as I am to understand, they are frustrating and intolerable.

Another issue I am facing is that I can't really pay for school right now. For one, Sallie Mae kind of hates me ... I mean, I now need a credit worthy cosigner to get a loan from them. I know this second thing will sound like a small issue, but I can't remember my username/password to access my Chase account and am thus far unable to apply for a loan from them again. (What makes this a problem is I am often unable to call Customer Service because I am always at work, and then forgetful and lazy when I have time. Although I usually don't have time because I am always called into work, and as you can see I need the money and 'have to' take all the hours I can get.)

Dennis moved in in June. The house looks slightly different, and because he also works all the time, it is in just as poor a condition as before. Although I have made an attempt at cleaning/fixing it. I love it here though.

Steve moved (again) on July 4th. His place is really nice. Bigger, although the living room is an awkward shape.

One of the reason I don't have any money (and not good enough credit) is because I like to shop. This year I have purchased:

A 32" flat panel LCD HD TV by LG. Love it so much.
Many more TV on DVDs and video games.
Many many things for my house (recently bedroom things: comforters, sheets, garment rack, dresser).
I've recently become obsessed with Marvel comics, which are sort of expensive. And even though they are often only $3.99, it is an addictive lifestyle.

Which although my purchases are only listed under 4 bullets, it was quite alot of money. And most of it was credit.

By the way, I hate the word "alot". But sometimes I don't want to sound pretentious and say "a great deal" or something else that sounds more intelligent.

Well, Kimmy, Danielle, and others, my loves, I hope to see you soon. I hope you enjoyed my life-update blog. I miss you.

Loves and dislikes

2009-02-08T22:12:00.001-05:00

( I haven't used the word hate for quite some time now, it's too exhausting of a feeling).

Some things that I absolutely love in the world:

DVD boxsets: Buffy, Angle, Charmed, South Park, Futurama, Scrubs, Roswell, Family Guy. They always have such interesting commentaries about the shows. I love to do literary analysis on TV shows.
Seasonal Candies, in season. It's weird but I love candy corn, sweet hearts, and jelly beans, but only during the holiday. From the day after the holiday until about one month before it I can't stand the specific candy.
Pretzels. They are my favorite of the salty 'chip-like' foods ... and they're not greasy which is an amazing plus (you don't really have to clean your mouth and fingers while/after eating them).
My iPhone ... and Apple Products in general... even though they shit out on my sometimes.
Money ... because it is the gateway to owning more things, which is my number one love.
Zelda and Mario Game series.
Christmas music and decorations

Somethings I've never liked:

Used straws
Lollipops ... those sticks they leave behind are disgusting.
Khaki Pants ... especially the super-light flesh-toned color.
Taking care of animals... Animals are so much more fun and exciting to be around when you don't have to clean up after them, discipline them, and feed them... and have to bathe them when the jump across the toilet while you're peeing... It's worse than having a child because the learning curve for animals is very steep.
Over hyped movies ... I tend not to watch them, they're never what they're cracked up to be.
Putting forth too much effort towards things. I'd rather apply my talents and be done with it.

The Death of Captain America

2009-01-25T23:43:00.002-05:00

So we all know I'm a huge geek. I started reading comics for some reason. I used to only read about them on wikipedia, but I up and got a bunch over this past winter break.
I decided that I wanted to read Marvel's Civil War.
If you know anything about comics, you'd know that a major story line for the X-Men since the beginning has been the Mutant Registration Act, where the US government constantly attempts to institute a policy in various forms that would require mutants to register their names and powers in order to be monitored (you know, since Kitty Pride can walk through walls "what keeps her from robbing a bank").
Well, Marvel 'recently' had a storyline involving a similar thing. It was called the Superhuman Registration Act, and it passed. I'm not going into why it passed, but if you are interested you can find out by reading the graphic novels. Regardless, the Superhuman Registration Act passed. It required all 'heroes' described in various forms to register their identity with Homeland Security and become paid operatives with military training assigned to a team in a specific state.
Well, the Civil War happened because some people were unhappy with this law. Captain America lead the anti-registration front.
After destroying Manhattan, Captain America's team surrendered (even though they were winning). On his way to his trial, Captain America (Steve Rogers) was shot and killed.
As Iron Man had lead the pro-registration front, I blame him for the death of Captain America.
But after reading one of the Civil War mini-series "Civil War: Frontline", I realized that he needed to die. This character started asking him all sorts of questions at the end "Do you have a myspace, have you ever been on youtube?" For the writers of Marvel Comics, Captain America no longer represented the real American people, just a very old 'golden days' ideal, something most real-life Americans (you, me, etc.) no longer believe in.
It was the end of his era, and he had to go. I am sad and Marvel Comics will never be the same because of this major continuity changing event, but he really did have to go.
As for Iron Man, I haven't actually read the comics, but I've seen some hints of the current status of his career. Frankly, he got what he deserved. In Civil War: Frontline, you discover that not only did he support the act, but that he planned the whole thing out. It was a major stock boost for Stark Inc. (his company) and ...just many other things I can't really describe.
It sucks that he represents the American people now. I am in no way above materialism and 'shitting on the little guys' to make my circumstances better. But ... it is just a sad, sad, sad day that a superhero became a villain because of money and power.

But again, I commend Marvel for making these major changes in their universe. House of M, Civil War, and now I think it is called Dark Reign ... these storylines are far better than the constant "Crises" DC does. CHANGE YOUR STORY GODDAMMIT!

Speaking of letters

2008-11-09T03:01:00.002-05:00

Steve told us about a math video.
I thought he said meth.
Ginda said no math .. M-A-"eth"

:-(

2008-11-06T12:49:00.000-05:00

South Park was lame this week.

I must say

2008-11-02T23:33:00.001-05:00

That no matter what has been on my mind this week (freaking out about what comes after college), I think that I must lead a pretty easy life if the thing that sticks out the most is that they changed the menu options on the override screen on the registers at KMart.

YAY!

If there is one thing I hate more than Sarah Palin

2008-10-27T22:39:00.002-04:00

It is Sarah Palin supporters.
My manager at KMart, after bitching out 2 customers today for calling me a fag, and a third for cursing at me, whips out a McCain-Palin bumper sticker at the end of the night with this dumb smile on her face. It looked like she was saying some customer gave it to her. NO! In fact, she said, I can't wait to put this on my car. In front of me. the gay man. and Craig, the black man from south Philadelphia.
Did she seriously think that was smart?
If there is one thing I don't like doing, it is talking about my opinions on Politics or Religion at work. Whatever, we can talk about blah blah blah I lost my wallet today blah blah blah my daughter is sick blah blah blah I am stressed from lots of tests ... but like seriously, you just don't do that at work.

maybe so legislation will finally get passed in our favor

2008-10-27T09:15:00.002-04:00

I read an article today on Huffington.
It is clearly Republican, suggesting ways for the National Committee to ensure local and federal wins, even though they're definitely going to lose the presidential race.
But the things he keeps saying is that the Republican Party is losing a great deal of seats in Congress because moderates and independents are so turned off by the RNC's presidential campaign.
This could be good.

Life, it ain't easy, it's so tough...

2008-10-12T23:36:00.003-04:00

This one time I was in a group of friends. Some of us had met in elementary school, some of us in middle school, the rest of us in high school. Some of us came in elementary school and left in middle school. Some of us came in middle school and left in high school. And some of us came and left in high school.

The thing I remember the most about the drifting apart of these friends was that there was no real drama.

Don't get me wrong, I had friends that I broke up with and caused a great deal of drama. But the bulk of my friendships ended in just drifting apart.

Senior year, I was in a class with a girl with whom I had shared friendship for six years. We hadn't spoken to each other since the start of high school. Not in a bad way at all, we just went different directions. It was cute, because at first we were awkward about talking to each other. But by the end of the year, we were sharing stories with other people that we knew mutually in the class.

I've always enjoyed those friendships. Friendships that end without a serious amount of drama. Friendships that drift apart, and even though a person might be hurt for some time, that eventually you are able to sit in a class together and talk about the good ol' days, or just nothing at all.

One of the worst break-ups I've ever had was with Gina. I can't even describe it anymore, because I have forgotten most of the details. But a moment that sticks in my mind the most is December 20th 2004. My friend Krista and I were in the mall leaving FYE and we saw her. Krista and Gina worked together so she stopped to say hi. I just kept walking and waited for Krista a ways down. Krista told me on December 23rd 2004 that when I did that Gina started bawling. No matter the fact that she broke up with me, she wanted me back and I just couldn't do it anymore.

I really miss a great deal of those elementary, middle, and high school friends and wish that I had more time to see them.

How to use a listserv

2008-09-26T22:52:00.002-04:00

1. if you want to get on a listserv, go to a sign up sheet or email some exec board member of the group, anyhow you can, contact a listserv owner.

2. if you want to get off a listserv, somehow contact the listserv owner directly not by emailing the listserv address will work, but it won't immediately and there is much room for failure. the best way to do it is to email listserv@listserv.temple.edu with no subject and SIGNOFF and the listserv name in the body AND NO OTHER TEXT IN THE BODY.

The last few days for some unknown reason people have been emailing the listserv in order to get off of it. then people starting sending emails that these people were doing the wrong thing. then i sent out directions on how to get off of a listserv. then more people emailed the listserv in order to get off, EVEN THOUGH I INCLUDED MY EMAIL IF THEY HAD ANY TROUBLE DOING IT THEMSELVES!!!! then i personally got angry emails from people that just ambiguously said it was frustrating that people email the listserv to be removed... nothing else, you know, like remove me, or is there anything you can do ... nope, just 'it is annoying'

Just a reminder

2008-09-23T23:30:00.003-04:00

This is my life mantra:

"This is such a pity,
We should give all our love to each other.
Not this hate that destroys us."

So,
It's sad.

Big News!

2008-09-22T16:52:00.003-04:00

I got a Wii.
This one day at work I went to the cash office, and the manager asked if on the way out I could take a Wii over to layaway as someone was putting it in there.
We had one left. I told the manager I really wanted it.
But, another person was also looking for the Wii as well, a customer.
When I took the second and final one to layaway, I told them I was sad because I really wanted it.
They put it on layaway because I told them it was fine. They are the customers, I could wait for the next shipment.
Later they called back. The woman I had spoke to directly about wanting the Wii told me that her husband had purchased one earlier at another store, that if I wanted it I could have it.
She cancelled her layaway and I got the Wii!!!!!!!!!

Terrorists in South Philly

2008-09-22T16:39:00.002-04:00

So these stupid things keep happening to me.
I'm on my way to work in a pair of gym shorts and brown t-shirt. If you know the Whitman plaza, you know that there is a place called eargasm, an autobody shop that specializes in audio/stereo systems. They obviously have a drive way, which is right off of Oregon. They are also right next to the parking lot for the Whitman plaza, in which KMart and many other stores are.
As I am walking in front of eargasm, a black jetta, a boxy older model, with a bald man in sun glasses pulls over and yells "Fucking faggots need to get out of South Philly." I of course paid him no mind, not looking, just kept walking. He yelled "Aren't you going to look, and continued with things I couldn't hear, then drove away, getting in the left hand turning lane (the one going opposite to Whitman plaza, thank god!).
Later that same day, a mand asked if we replaced watch batteries at the jewlery counter in store. I of course responded with the policy, not without a receipt that it was purchased in this KMart store, because if it gets scratched or broken we have to replace it. He continued, I continued that I couldn't/the store couldn't do anything. He did the normal customer thing of staring at me before yelling obscenities as he left. I told him there was no reason to curse at me and if he didn't leave that I would call security. He had the nevre to yell fucking faggot again, and as I paged security, the exit monitor was nearly physically pushing him out the door.
This is not the first as you know, nor will it be the last time something like this happens to me.
I don't remember if I told you all but I ran into those guys from the first night two more times after that. Luckily the second time I was with Jay's mom outside his house. But the first time they were driving and I was walking. They apparently live at 10th and Ritner (3-4 blocks from my house).
I'm getting increasingly more scared about living/working there now.
But, it took so long to find a job that I don't know if I can really do that endless searching thing again.
So I'm SOL.

The First Week of Classes

2008-09-05T23:42:00.002-04:00

So I started classes this week as many other people in my life did. My pre-semester review:

Intro to Sociology is going to be interesting. And I'm pretty sure the teacher is gay.
Modern Europe is going to be just like AP Euro, which will be good because that means it will require less work.
Death and Dying is a toss up: we spent today learning how to find sources and write a good research paper.
Complex Analysis is going to be just as bad as Classical Analysis; Mendoza is teaching it. But I'm not crazy anymore so I will be able to actually do work.
Applied Math will be interesting as I think it will help a great deal with what I want to do with my life. But it is possible that it will be the most work.

Actually I think they are all going to be alot of work. But I'm ready.

The plight for an iphone

2008-09-02T12:37:00.002-04:00

So in like May I started getting letters from AT&T for upgrade discounts on new phones if I renew my contract. I like AT&T service so I am definitely interested in doing so. I go off to an AT&T store in June to find out what I can get for how much, and they tell me I can't upgrade until September 29th, but that I should be able to go to any AT&T store anytime in September and upgrade.

I'm working a great deal this week because another Service Desk/Supervisor is on vacation, and school starts (today) on Tuesday. So I retire to get my phone on either Labor Day or the following Thursday (depending on if it is closed on Labor Day). And (mildly) surprisingly it was closed on Monday. So desperate to get on iphone, I decide to wake up early on Tuesday before my first class and go to the AT&T store.

I get up. I get there at 8:05 (they open at 8AM). I talk to a lady. She tells me I can't upgrade until the 29th. I tell her what I was told when I went in May/June. She says no.

I DIDN'T GET MY IPHONE YET!!!!

Love and Hate ... for KMart

2008-08-22T23:21:00.002-04:00

So KMart is a cool job. I've been at the service desk. It's great, especially being on the mood stabilizers. Plus I think I've grown quite a bit as a person. They're training me as supervisor next week, which will be ok. I like the service desk, and I used to like being a supervisor. Maybe it'll all be good.

BUT: my first shift, I'm making closing announcements. I say that it is 9:40. Meanwhile, the manager is saying to me to make it five minutes early. So in the middle of the announcement, I change the time to 9:45. (I do it professionally and say "excuse me, the time is 9:45). And some people are walking by. So when I am walking trash back to the stock room, they make some obscene comment at me. I think it was like "It's ok, you want to go home and suck a dick." I wasn't sure but I still told the manager. But when the left they definitely said "alright, cocksucker." So I told the manager that they definitely said that to me, so the manager and three LPs chased them and told them not to come back.

AND THEN: I see them one day while walking home from work. They were in a car, so it was only half of a big deal.

AND THEN: I'm sitting outside Jay and Lauren's with Jay's mom and there they are. They live at 10th and Ritner ... like three blocks from me...

I'm very scared now.

But I also have this other funny story: This old guy comes in all the time and talks to me. No big deal, he seemed like a lonely old guy looking for some conversation. But one day he gave me his number (on a card) and asked me to come and watch videos of "his vacation." After that, every time he came in, I asked the LP to come to the front and keep him away from me. One day he came in really close to close and I was scared he'd follow me home. But he left about 20 minutes before I did.

So working and living in South Philly ... kind of strange but I love it.

The woes of being a boy.

2008-08-11T22:44:00.002-04:00

It's times like these I wish I had boobs.
I'm sitting on my bed with a glass of water in my hands reading emails.
I finish reading the email and want to change screens back to the top so I can do whatever, just not be on the mail screen.
What to do?
Well if I had boobs, I could rest the glass between them, as I have seen my mom do with all my baby cousins' heads.
Nevertheless, I attempted to rest in on my chest and it almost fell (I didn't move my hand, just pulled it away a little, and the glass rolled slightly).
So I had to put it on the table... unfortunately.

Boobs apparently also make good pillows if they are big enough ... or at least that's what Steve, Dennis, and I conjecture.

MACBOOK!

2008-08-06T15:45:00.002-04:00

For all those interested:

Because I finally started working at the job at which I was finally hired, Steve allowed me to buy a MacBook.

Now don't go thinking that he is controlling. No, he did it for my own bet interest. No reason to make a purchase such as this when I don't have income.

Anyway: it's amazing. Colleen asked me what the worst thing about it was "just to put it into perspective." After some deliberation I couldn't come up with anything.

Now I've only had it a week, so I'm sure eventually there will be something. But right now it is just plain perfect.

KMart

2008-08-06T15:39:00.004-04:00

H&M never called back even though they said they would. And, they told me if I have a question I can call about it, but I cannot ask what I will be getting paid, nor about the status of my application.

So I had my first day at KMart on Monday. I was supposed to be training register. I stood behind a lady for an hour that complained about how she used to be a supervisor and work at the service desk. I told her I knew everything ever time she began explaining it to me.

When she went on break the Front End Manager had me help him move stock around the front end. That was pretty much what I did for the rest of the night. He asked the usual questions, whose answers were that when I worked at my other KMart that I was a supervisor and that I possibly got hired to be one as well, but definitely at the service desk.

He told me the older lady that I shadowed for the hour (that also worked at KMart for 20 years) got taken off of those positions (and basically demoted to cashier) because she couldn't handle the pressure.

I really hope I get to be a supervisor. It's so much less work. You just stand there and tell people what to do. But I think I'm going to like working there regardless.

First "house warming" event

2008-08-03T12:56:00.001-04:00

It wasn't really a house warming party. Steve did this really great thing for me and had his friends come to my place so I would feel more comfortable around the fruit punch and the alcohol. Dennis and Ginda were here for a while, but they left pretty early. So the whole night was mostly just me and Steve and his friends. We went to Oregon Park after they had had a sufficient amount of fruit punch.

Now I really want to have a house warming party.

Kmart v. H&M

2008-07-27T23:25:00.003-04:00

I finally got a call from KMart. I start there on August 3rd.
BUT, I never got a call from H&M!!!
UGH! I wanted to work there more.
Poopy McPoop poop.
But at least I have a job now. Which means:

I FINALLY BOUGHT A MACBOOK!

This is my life...

2008-07-27T16:52:00.002-04:00

So this summer has been horribly boring.
Steve and I walked around Walnut street many times during a few weeks span and picked up a bunch of new clothes from the Gap, H&M, and American Apparel.
I got a bunch of dvds: Charmed 1, 2, 6-8; Family Guy 4 & 5; Roswell 3; Futurama 1-4; Scrubs 1 & 2; South Park 6
I've also been getting tons of stuff for my apartment: towel bars, toilet paper stand, potato masher, cheese slicer, a trivet, curtains, a couch, Ginda bought a table, an Ac for my room, a window fan for the bathroom.

So basically my life is:
Wake up.
Go to class.
Sit in Rittenhouse/Walk around Walnut Street.
Eat dinner wherever.

If Steve has work we meet in the park at 10:30 and go back to his place.
or not ... sometimes we stay at mine.

We went to NYC on a whim (to celebrate our 6 months one week ahead of time).
IT WAS AN AMAZING DAY.
But we really didn't do anything differently: shopped, sat in Central Park, ate food.
We went to Canal Street and got him Louis Vuitton bags.
AMAZING DAY though.

We celebrated early cause I went to Scranton on the actual day for my Great Grandfathers 90th birthday party.

90!!

And this super amazing thing happened: I FINALLY SAW KIMMY!
God how I miss her. And the rest of the family, don't be offended. I miss you all too (Danielle)

It was the most fun I've had with my family. Probably because the 11 years of drama is finally over. YAY for my aunts and their cousins finally getting along.

So that's my life

OMG

2008-07-12T12:11:00.000-04:00

blah
~~I NEED A JOB!~~
blah
I HAVE A JOB!
blah
and an interview for a different job.
The job that I definitely have is at KMart. Service Desk Operator, 7.75/hour.
The interview is at H&M on Walnut St.

Brain Study!

2008-06-24T19:28:00.006-04:00

Check this out.
It turns out that the side of your brain you use most or are currently using determines which way this girl spins.
I see her spin clockwise. I guess this means:

uses feeling
"big picture" oriented
imagination rules
symbols and images
present and future
philosophy & religion
can "get it" (i.e. meaning)
believes
appreciates
spatial perception
knows object function
fantasy based
presents possibilities
impetuous
risk taking

Which way do you see her spin?

Update:
Sometimes I see her spin counter-clockwise when I first look, then I blink and she spins clockwise

Updates on my life.

2008-06-23T16:06:00.002-04:00

My mom bought me the bag. She forgot to send me money like she said she had in my card. So I got the bag, on sale 101.64 or something like that.
Ginda moved in yesterday. It was the longest experience ever. It only felt longer than Steve and Greg's move in day because he and I had to sit at a Hess gas station three blocks from the UHaul store for 2 hours because the truck broke down as we tried to return it.

That's it ...

Where's Africa?

2008-06-21T00:07:00.003-04:00

This image makes some pretty big political statements, obviously.
But I think a statement people do not immediately see, because they are distracted by all the blatant statements, is the complete lack Africa on the map at all.
To me what it is saying is Americans don't care about Africa so much that we don't even realize/recognize it is there. Pretty sad since that part of the world is in such turmoil.

If I had $1000000

2008-06-17T10:41:00.007-04:00

I'd buy this bag... and other things, but mostly this bag.

I've been looking for a new bag for quite some time now.
I have this really vintage army bag that I got from my dad. He was in the army when I was born and gave me his 'map bag' (for holding maps) when I was really young.
It is a really great and durable bag. I love it.
It is a perfect army green with an adjustable over the shoulder strap.
But it is too small. It can only hold so many things at once, and on some days I need to hold many things: books, computer, deodorant, etc... It is very disconcerting.
Also the buttons are a little shot; its not easy to close or open.
BUT! I found exactly the bag I wanted. It was at Banana Republic. It was perfect.
It is brown, a great color.
It is canvas, a great material.
It is a messenger bag (I don't really like the ones that look like purses cause they don't have flaps).
It is a little stylish, nice design in the strap and such.

It has a slew of inside pockets, great for separating all the different things I need to carry around (as you can see from this view on the side).
But unfortunately it was $148.
~~(Also I think Dennis might have it)~~ Someone I know does.UGH!
So I have to wait to find one that is just a perfect, but is cheaper ... or more 'accessible' ...
In any case I looked online, found a few things, nothing was as good, plus its hard to shop online, because you don't know exactly what you're getting. It might not be exactly what you would have wanted if you have seen it in person.

Big day tomorrow.

2008-06-17T01:14:00.002-04:00

Tomorrow is my 21st birthday. Not to sound cheesy, but this is basically the end of adolescence/beginning of being an adult. And basically I feel poopy.

I feel more like a child now than I have since graduating high school. I can't describe it, but with every passing day I feel, younger ... less mature. It's a real issue for me. I had such a grasp on everything. I've let things fall apart. And because things keep getting worse (you know like the job situation for the past year), I'm losing it more and more.

So can I honestly say that I've grown in the last 3 years? Yes definitely. Do I feel any older? Yes. I feel like I'm aging and becoming less reliable, responsible, and less ... mature with passing time.

Poiltics explained.

2008-06-16T19:24:00.002-04:00

T his site explains politics for us simply.

My favorite one:

BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

I was never the same after ...

2008-06-16T11:18:00.004-04:00

... I started watching Buffy.

This show changed my life.

The science fiction/fantasy genre is by far my favorite for television. I'm a big SNOBBY geek when it comes to this. And I enjoy many TV shows within this genre: Charmed, Angel, Roswell, Smallville, etc. But Buffy is my favorite.

There are many aspects to this show that many people do not know about. It is considered to be one of the most liberal shows of its time (it could probably still stand against a few). This is partially due to the fact that it was ULTRA-feminist. But it is at least in my mind because it was one of the only high school/college dramas that had a main character that was LGBTQ.

Many people take issue with this, but what we actually see here is Buffy introduced a main character's sexuality, had part of an episode deal with it, but did not make a big deal out of it ever. In fact, Whedon describes Willow and Tara's relationship in the season 6 overview as the most stable on the show, and the hardest to break apart.

However, this show had many other interesting points. It was able to take any stereotypical plot line; such as adding a cute younger character, the psychiatric hospital episode, the invisible episode, or the switching bodies episode; and present it in a more interesting way. But a major point in all of this for me was that each of these typical scifi episodes did not stand alone. Each and every episode moved an arc forward in some way. The writing on the show was amazing in this and many other ways.

And a small side point, the Buffyverse is second only to the Whoniverse in adapting modern/future science with mythology.

And with all of this said, I want to leave you with my favorite lines:

Buffy: Does it ever get easy?
Giles: You mean life?
Buffy: Yeah. Does it get easy?
Giles: What do you want me to say?

Buffy: Lie to me.

Giles: Yes, it's terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and, uh, we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after.
Buffy: Liar.

Thank you Joss Whedon.

This is my life...

2008-06-16T00:13:00.002-04:00

Look for a job.
Get an interview

Never get called back
Get the job

**choose option 2**

Get let go, because "wasn't what we expected ... going a different way."
__________________________________________________

No skin off my back, I hated the job anyway.

My New Place.

2008-06-16T00:02:00.004-04:00

I moved into my place, somewhat. My stuff is there but I don't feel like I live there. Partially because not everything is unpacked yet. This is for many reasons, all of which are contributing to feeling like I don't like there:

I won't put things like dishes away because I don't know how Ginda will want them to be/what way we can agree on them being.
We don't have all of our furniture, so there isn't much space for small things that are still in their boxes, as well as setting up the bigger pieces of furniture.
My bed is broken because I lost a piece in the move. Also my sheets haven't been washed yet.
The shower has a hole in it. That is, the place where the switch for the tub stopper should be is a giant hole.
The shower is also sort of gross.
There isn't enough room in my room for all my shit, so most of it is still packed/on the first floor.

Also, I've been spending most of my time at Steve's. It's nicer there, and they have parties.

Music is my greatest memory trigger

2008-05-31T13:21:00.003-04:00

I had some stuff to do today. But because I haven't been home in a few days, I decided to sit around and listen to music. With my ipod playlist of songs I love on random, Dashboard Confessional's Stolen played. I love this song. It reminded me of my favorite scene of Scrubs.

Watching it on youtube I of course started to cry. And when I do this while watching TV I always begin to laugh at myself. But anyway, I love this show and this is my favorite scene.

To all my friends searching for a job.

2008-05-31T12:57:00.004-04:00

Today I went through my 'contacts' list on gmail (it's really just a list of anyone you've ever emailed). But it being such a poor system of recording actual contacts, I was able to discover how many jobs to which I applied (via email).

63!

Also, I went through about 35 printed resumes (or maybe more) given to physical job locations (that I didn't apply to online).

And I would also like to point out that about 2 months into this process I stopped applying to primarily restaurants and bars and started looking for ANY JOB AT ALL.

So to all my friends currently searching for a job, it took my four months and about 100 applications before I actually got a job.

Valanni is hell.

2008-05-31T12:11:00.005-04:00

Yesterday was my third day of work.
On my first day of work, about half way through I thought to myself that I wasn't interested in working in the food service industry anymore.
It's attributed to many things:

My medicine makes me a zombie at night (at least that is what I think).
Although it could just be that I am extremely tired by that point in the night (7pm).
I do attribute to my medicine the fact that I don't need to run around at a job anymore to enjoy it.
They don't attempt to teach me anything, just glare at me when I don't know.
They tell me I carry food wrong, glaring again.
I do a great amount of work in comparison to the servers and I get paid shit (I know that is how 'entry level' positions work, but it is still upsetting).
I just want to sit at a desk, or stand at a register, those jobs are easier.
After last night, I'm pretty sure one of the managers doesn't like me, even though I worked my ass off.

Am I going to quit? No. I need this job.
Might I look for another one if I continue to dislike it? Yes. But I will give it time.

Life Goal.

2008-05-27T23:47:00.004-04:00

This is such a pity.
We should give all our love to each other.
Not this hate that destroys us.

Thanks Weezer for reminding me my primary goal in life.

The number one moral one should live by is: Love and acceptance of all people.
There are many other things to note, but this is the single most important idea to follow, and way to live.
I had forgotten this during this past semester.
So thanks again Weezer, for reminding me who I am.

This is my life...

2008-05-25T23:57:00.002-04:00

Go home to see family that spends practically no time with me while I am here.
See each member of my extended family that I have missed greatly once and promise to call once a week.
Do 'friend-like' activities with my parents or brother, such as tag along to a movie with them and their friends
Bring homework to read while here, do not start until 10pm the night before I leave.
Remember why I hate Scranton, noting that it has nothing to do with my parents or family.

Slapped in the Face

2008-05-25T02:10:00.005-04:00

TWICE!

Although it was only verbally.

I've been wanting to blog about this for some time now, but haven't really found a great opportunity. Until last night when my aunt and I were talking last night. We went through the whole semester, you know failing Calculus, diagnoses. I told her that I could never tell my mom about Bipolar II. But after some more conversing, she told me that my mom already knew. Then she did it: She told me my mom calls her crying because I can't talk to her.

Quite a slap in the face.
Thanks Barb.

And on a similar vein (the thing I wanted to say but never found a time to): Steve and I were talking about our relationship. We were trying to work out our problems before he went home for two weeks. After much conversation he said what I find to be the most amazing line ever, but nonetheless a slap in the face:

"I like the loser Jeff.
The one who likes South Park and Buffy.
And never has anything interesting to say."

Both of these things are exactly what I needed to get myself on track again. So if there are any more people out there who feel I am off track in some way, please slap me ...
... verbally
... and to my face.

I was never the same after ...

2008-05-25T01:38:00.007-04:00

... I heard Green Day's album, American Idiot.

This album changed my life.

It gave me something to rock out to while driving.
It was the beginning of my move away from emo music after two depressing years.
It was a story in which I immersed myself wholly.
It made me feel like I was sort of politically minded.
It gave me St. Jimmy.

Thank you Green Day.

I love my family ...

2008-05-24T11:26:00.007-04:00

... BUT I HATE SCRANTON!

Let's do a fun little list:

The shower is like 10 years old and explodes every time I turn the water on.
I don't have keys, a car, or car insurance.
There is no public transportation.
I spent every night with my parents and their friends.
I sleep in what is now my brother's computer room.
People here think that "the lifestyle is okay, but they just don't want to see it" on TV, and that "it is just disgusting to watch two girls kissing."
No drinking
No fruit punch
No people my age with my ideals that I can talk to about nothing, or about sex, or anything 'gay' at all.
No food that I like.
No boyfriend/sex
I just plain miss Philadelphia.

Updates on my life.

2008-05-21T23:03:00.006-04:00

1. I have a job. I start on Tuesday. I will be a runner/busser with potential to be a server. I got this job today. It was nice.
2. I lost the place at Fitzwater, so I saw some eh and some nice places today.
3. I failed Advanced Calc, Boris told me I could take Applied Math to make it up, but I can't change my classes cause I got too low of a GPA this semester. However, I still have a 3.3 cumulative.
4. I'm almost to 200mgs. I just need the pharmacy to fill my prescription.

I suffer from this problem

2008-05-16T20:27:00.001-04:00

This is my life...

2008-05-15T11:43:00.003-04:00

Day A: Stay up until 4:30am.
Day B: Get up at 9:45am, fall asleep on the subway at 10pm on the way home, go to bed at 1am anyway.
Day C: Awake to a phone call from an apartment renter, schedule the appointment for 3 hours later so I can sleep more, get up anyway.

I'm going to die from exhaustion, but I need to find a job and a place to live.

Red, the color of love.

2008-05-14T23:50:00.005-04:00

OMG! NEW WEEZER ALBUM JUNE 24TH.

Thanks, Perez Hilton via Steve.
Perez posted a new song by them. I looked it up on itunes. I found out that they are releasing Weezer (The Red Album). It would be my dream if they went through the colors. I love Weezer.

also, I'm upset that I just learned I don't have Maximum Weezer, an album they released in 2004.

But someday I will have it.

End of the school year.

2008-05-14T14:31:00.006-04:00

Let's review this year:

The year started off kind of shitty. Old problems from the year before.
New friends were great, cause they were gay.
I discovered new skills and established convictions.
Ruined a good friendship because I like being liked.
This guy that I thought was totally amazingly good looking, but knew nothing about, was afraid to talk to, and thought was so far out of my league started flirting with me via facebook.
And we started dating.
Diagnosed with Bipolar II.
Finally started liking myself.

Gay Phases

2008-05-14T04:02:00.009-04:00

Let's start off with one thing.
There are steps:

Outing: Come out, stop being such a homophobe.
Pride: Immerse yourself in stereotypical gay actions and gay culture to an annoying degree.
Activism: Pride becomes activism, and you stop being annoyingly gay.
Some part afterwards that is an even happier medium of everything.

I find it interesting that I never went through #2.

Thanks Deborah for helping me identify this list

End of a Semester

2008-05-12T21:36:00.006-04:00

So today I took my last final.

So my review of this Semester ... not too bad:

Scholastically - I failed Advanced Calculus. Bad, very very bad.
Socially - Moved on from drama with my old friends. Started hanging out with some new friends, although not primarily either group. Found a boyfriend that I am crazy about.
Monetarily - Same problems as always, although not as bad as over the summer. I have an issue. Neither good nor bad.
Psychologically - Diagnosed with Bipolar II, which gives explanation to old things, and will stop them from happening. Neither good nor bad.
Physiologically - Nothing particularly bad. Gained some weight over the first semester, lost it all. Started working out again, mostly biking (stationary). Good, not great though.

So that's my review of this semester.

I wish I had heard this a looooong time ago.

2008-05-10T15:54:00.001-04:00

This is who I am
You can
Like it or not
You can
Love me or leave me
Cuz I'm never gonna stop
No no

Thanks Madonna.

Green Roofs

2008-05-10T12:50:00.002-04:00

I didn't read the whole thing cause I have ADD when it comes to reading, especially when I am listening to music.

But this is what Philadelphia needs to do, if for nothing else than to get rid of the sewage smell.

Read about it here.

I had a tough week ...

2008-05-09T15:47:00.008-04:00

... but I want to say thanks:

To Eric for showing me how I am out of my depressive state, just irritable because I am stressed about school and money.

To Colleen for being there all year to listen to me ramble.

To Steve for helping me with my parents, old stuff is over.

To Ryan for helping me understand my feelings far better than I can myself and for not being afraid to work out with me.

To Deborah for that amazing compliment. I saw another thing in myself that I like.

To Deanna for always being so understanding. Things are tough because we are so alike, but I know I always try to remember that that is why we are such good friends.

To Dennis for being my friend recently. I've really needed it.

To Ginda for putting hilarity in my days. You're going to be the second greatest roommate (no one can beat Eric and Colleen).

I love you all.

How are you all so comfortable?

2008-05-04T15:41:00.009-04:00

I went to Equality forum today.
It was my second Philly Gay event ever.
It was nice, but sitting at home, thinking about a few things I came across this question:
How are you all so comfortable with it?
Sometimes I have trouble with the gay, and at these events I am definitely overwhelmed.
It came at an awkward time too. I had had a conversation earlier in the week with Steve about something else that Scranton did to me.
But being uncomfortable with it comes and goes.

Just so you know.

2008-05-03T19:11:00.005-04:00

I only have 58; ~~58-(16-3)=45~~; 58-(16-3)-8=37 pairs of underwear.

25 24 Boxer Briefs
9 3 Boxers
9 6 Briefs
3 2 Hip Briefs
3 1 String Briefs
1 Jock
~~1 AussieBum Boxer-Boxer Brief Hybrid thingy~~ (It looked comfortable, it's eh.)

So for all of you who harp on the collection, or think I don't need anymore, I suggest you count yours and see if you own more. Or not, whatever.

BIPOLARITY ATTACKS!

2008-05-03T14:33:00.004-04:00

Update on the medicine: I'm slowly upgrading to 200mgs.
Reason: My moods are still really wild.
Justification: I was super stressed because I had 100million things do to and I was running around like a MOFO, and my anxiety and irritability increased to much that at 12:30am I decided it was a good time to rearrange furniture.

At 1:30am I was so stressed, lost, and tired that Steve had to nearly hold me down to get me to stop. That was Wednesday ... my furniture is still sort of unarranged ... laying all willy nilly about my apartment.

Yea...

Decision: Do less in one day, have no stress attacks.

This is my life...

2008-05-03T14:19:00.007-04:00

MWF:
Wake up in the morning next to Steve... debate going to class.
If I go to class:
Forget to take medicine.
Do homework for Math classes instead of listening to the Chem lecture.
Rush home to take pills instead of doing important life stuff like find a job.
Shit, shower, shave ... play on my computer.
Go back to campus for no reason.**

If I don't go to class:
Sleep until forever.
Take pills.
Go to campus for no reason.**

**~~Spend too much money on~~ steal food from the SAC.
Go Home and not do anything until forever (12:30-2am)
Shower again.
Go to sleep.

TR:
Wake up late, rush to the bus, forget to take my pills.
Go to AdvCalc, 'fall asleep'† cause all we do is watch him prove a theorem we will never know how to use.
Go to lunch with Colleen.
Hang out on campus, doing nothing of particular importance, instead of looking for a job.
Go home, take pills, watch TV, pretend to do homework ... do nothing, go to sleep.

†Colleen actually falls asleep, I just sit there and stare off into nowhere.

Sat,Sun:
Sleep, take pills, do nothing, regret that later in the week.

NOTICE THE ITALICS?
I'm really glad the semester is over, cause now I can stop forgetting to take my pills in the morning.

FIGGING STRIKES AGAIN

2008-04-27T12:20:00.005-04:00

I'm stumbling ... cause I'm bored.
And I find this site

Sort of interesting looking, so I scroll down. They have avocado, sweet potato, soy beans, and

AHHHH!!!! FIGGING STRIKES AGAIN!

Youtube.

2008-04-20T16:47:00.003-04:00

I went onto youtube earlier today. and this is the image that was on the side.

It looked interesting. So I watched the video.
IT WAS AN AD FOR SOME CONTEST!
Watch:

CSS

2008-04-20T12:36:00.005-04:00

Remember when I lost all that music, and Steve gave me all of his (and I wish he would give me what he has downloaded since, because what I've heard of it has been really good, like Kate Nash).

Well one of the artists on the list is CSS. Dennis and I talked about them one day, that song "Music is my hot hot sex" and he told me he got it from Steve, meaning I did too.

So I listened to them today. They're pretty good. Different than what I am used to, and I'm kind of into not crying anymore when I listen to music.

Well anyway, I may have a boyfriend, but music is totally my everlasting boyfriend. YAY MUSIC! I LOVE YOU!

It's a Great Day to Be Gay!

2008-04-20T11:28:00.006-04:00

I was asked by my therapist to come up with things I like about being gay. It wasn't easy as I realized that it was hard because that's like asking a straight person what they like about being straight (Thanks: Liz Hanson).
And I only came up with two things: Dating/Sex with men, and Socially Acceptable OGT's (which is sort of a conundrum as it is only sort of true).

But, following the vein of OGT's, and taking something that I learned from someone, I came up with a few things yesterday.

Dating/Sex with other men
Socially acceptable to be wild/crazy
Dress however we please
Walk around with an over confidence
Can like a larger range of music, books, movies, TV
Respected as an authority in many areas; clothes, interior decorating, dealing with problems, keeping secrets, being a good friend, also music, movies, TV, even design for websites, posters, flyers, advertisements...
Larger job opportunities
Hygiene Habits are better
Understandable when we have our depressed days
Everyone that is your friend seems to jump a little higher when you are verbally or physically assaulted
The openness about sex/sexuality/physicality
Gossip/cattiness accepted
Allowable pride that doesn't come off as something similar to heterosexism.

Marriage Rights

2008-04-14T15:25:00.007-04:00

So we went to see Chelsea Clinton on Friday. If you want a better run down on the situation, read Steve's Post. Small rant: I had my hand up the entire time and she didn't call on me for my question. However, Emily and I had connived to both ask the same question. Luckily she did call on Emily, so the question was ASKED, but not answered. I know you read all about that on Steve's Blog. But when Emily and I went up to her to ask her why she didn't answer the question and to ask it again, she said some interesting things. I don't really remember any of them cause the only thing I do remember is that she told me there were no federal marriage rights.
I of course whipped out my number (1,138), we all know how much research I did on this. And again she looked at me as if I had three heads.
So AGAIN to educate the masses on Marriage Equality visit these sites, Freedom to Marry, 1997 GAO account of the marriage rights, 2004 GAO addendum of additional rights found.

But in case you don't like to read, I certainly didn't read those to GAO letters; same-sex and alternative couples are seeking to marry each other in order to have the same rights as straight M/F couples. These rights are not given by the church, they are things such as tax benefits and the right to inheritance/being the next of kin in lack of a will. Also, not a federal right, but on the state level, to be able to make medical decisions for each other in the case that one is incapacitated.

One might argue that these couples can have lawyers draw up all the legal documents to ensure these rights. But the time, effort, and cost is exponentially greater than the cost of a marriage license (about $5,000 for legal docs, $100 for a marriage license).

Generally, I think it is silly of Chelsea Clinton to be uninformed on this issue. And is it possible that Senator Clinton is as equally uninformed and that is the reason why she does not believe in Marriage Equality on the National/Federal level? I don't know, and I don't think that is the case, but the whole situation (both the lack of marriage equality and Chelsea Clinton's treatment of the subject) was confusing and upsetting.

New Underwear @ Aussiebum

2008-04-14T00:17:00.005-04:00

You all know how I love AussieBum
WELL! They have new underwear. And I love it! I can't wait until I have a job and can buy more MORE MORE

I definitely like these because of the pattern, style, and color. But as you will see at their site they have many others.

Experience.

2008-04-09T00:17:00.004-04:00

Experience is a strange thing.
Parents, teachers, and adults in general tend to impose their experiences on young people, in order to keep them from making mistakes and to help them make the right decisions.
However it could be largely negative.
A person could become so neurotic about very unimportant things because they lack the experience to help them have a calmer approach to life.
I know it sounds crazy, but I feel my lack of experience with many things sort of make me feel as uncool as I often do.
Most of the time, I am averse to, weirded out by, or uninterested in doing something because I have for so long been told very strongly negative statements about them.
It transcends reactions to the idea of stealing, alcohol, and "fruit punch." It becomes a neurosis to all things in life, almost an OCD. I begin to obsess about cleaning and having things a certain way. I fear of people, certain areas of the city, and certain lifestyles, because I don't know anything about them.
My newest goal is to try to be as nonchalant as possible and experience as many things as possible, so I can be less neurotic, but mostly less annoying or whatever I am like when I am surrounded by things I have vicariously experienced through parents or similar adults.

This is my life...

2008-04-07T23:52:00.005-04:00

So I really like this game Earthbound.
It's so easy after playing it so many times.
It's a precursor to the RPG, that is, there is a set story line (unlike many RPGs in which you can do many, many different things that affect the outcome of the story), but it has the same sort of level up, varied weapon strategies as an RPG.
I found out that the only weapon for one of the characters is dropped by one of the enemies in one part of the game and it is the only time you can get it. But then I found out that it is a 1/128 chance that you get the weapon when fighting these enemies.
So I really want this weapon. So I play for a few hours, fighting as many enemies as possible, whilst also reading guides to see if there are any tricks to making the chances lower. I read on one that a person played for so long before he got the weapon that all his characters were a very high level and the game became uninteresting, and it also no longer mattered that he had the weapon because the enemies could be defeated in one hit from any of the four characters.
So basically I wasted my life today.

Scrabulous is beat.

2008-04-01T21:57:00.004-04:00

Every time I click on one of my active games, this image comes up. It used to be that I could go back to the main page and try again, and it would work fine. Now this message comes up every time. It's like so amazingly annoying.

Getting a Job Sucks

2008-04-01T15:26:00.003-04:00

Basically, no where worthy of working at ... no where unworthy of working at, will hire a certified bartender whose only experience is Guest Bartending as part of his training. It kills the people who wasted $500 on Bartending school.

fafsa and taxes

2008-03-31T21:15:00.004-04:00

Today my mom told me to do my taxes, and that if I tried to file my FAFSA alone that I might get more money.

But no! you have to use your parent's info, unless they are dead. So no matter how financially independent of them I am, I have to use their info in order to get government money! I hope the Democratic nominee has a better plan for education, so I get some money, you know?!!!

However, I was able to do my taxes. And I get a good amount of money back. YAY!!

That Poor Emo Kid!

2008-03-27T23:03:00.007-04:00

He was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.
He finds it as a reason for everything in his life previously.
He sees how it affects everything in his life currently.
He hates it and it scares him.
He wants people to be nice and understanding of this and other things.
He doesn't think his meds are working.
He has wild mood swings since he started the meds.
He listens to emo music.
He thinks everyone hates him.
He can't help his thoughts.
He has little control of his actions lately.
He just wants ................